Welcome to LDS! This is a place for people in long distance relationships of any kind to post their stories, ask for advice, share ideas, etc. All of our admins are extremely open-minded and strive to be as helpful as we can. We've also provided a lot of information in pages we've created, so please check out the links all the way to the left before asking questions. Thank you for stopping by!
Anonymous asked: ive been with my s/o for 5 years ... i told a big lie and i just couldn't take the guilt and i left him for over a year and i felt like i owed him the truth because he trust me so when i came back to talk to him i just told him the truth about who i really am and i promise not to be 100 percent honest for now on and he welcomed me back with open arms and he told me he loves me no matter who i am but i keep feeling so insecure that i'm just not attractive enough for him what do i do?
From what you’ve written, I don’t have any idea of what exactly the lie was, so I’m just going to say this: Your significant other has forgiven you, and while there might always be some residual guilt (I feel guilty years later for things I’ve done, so I know how that is), he’s forgiven you, and you should, I think, take that into consideration and move on. If you want to send in a more detailed ask about this and have us answer privately, please feel free to do so.
As far as not feeling attractive for your significant other, let me be honest with you: I’m sitting outside on Scott and I’s apartment balcony, and my hair is in a messy pony tail; my shirt has baby spit up on it (I nanny); I’ve worn the same pair of shorts two days in a row, if not more; I was just in the bathroom poking at my teeth, wanting whitening strips. But, when Scott gets home, I won’t think about that. When I think about him coming home, I don’t think about that: I think about what we should talk about, if we should play a game, etc…It isn’t that we don’t value physical attraction, it’s that these things lead to our physical attraction to one another. I’ve found that the more insecure you are about looks in a relationship, the less you have fun with one another, and the fewer in-depth conversations you have. Your significant other doesn’t want to hear about your hair, he wants to hear about you (and if he doesn’t, well, then it’s likely he has some insecurities of his own). Let the traditional idea of physical attraction alone, and open yourself to the idea of physical attraction (no matter how societally “attractive” anyone is perceived to be) generating from within; from conversation, from fun, and from unconditional love. I hope this helped.
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months now and we've grown really close, so he's told me about his past. He had an abusive ex girlfriend and she continues to verbally and mentally abuse him. He has been sent to the hospital for loss of blood and suicide attempts before And since we have been dating this has happened 3 more times. I can't visit him because I haven't told my parents but it's about time I do. Any suggestions/ help? I'm so scared to lose him forever..
It’s clear you’re dealing with a lot right now. When a significant other has a mental or physical illness, life isn’t easy…it’s really damn hard. Often, the hardest thing to accept is that you will not be the sole answer to their ailment. I don’t pretend to have any sort of professional training to tell you what your boyfriend needs, but there are people who have dedicated their lives to helping others who do. It sounds like your boyfriend is dealing with some issues that are very severe, so it might be best for you to speak to someone close to him, like a parent or legal guardian, and confide in them about his ex-girlfriend. This could be something unknown to them, and they should be able to, at that point, once they know, take any sort of action necessary in order to alleviate the situation (i.e. A court order for no contact) if they so choose. You can do this from your own home. Please don’t feel hopeless, or like there’s no way that you can help him, because you can: You can help him get the care he needs.
You’re in a tricky situation, given the fact that your parents don’t know. If you were to tell them now, it would be a lot for them to take in and, given their stance on the situation, they might be hesitant to allow you to go at this time, given the situation: I know my parents, if I was in your situation, would tell me that this is a time that my boyfriend needed his immediate family, and his parents might not want a house guest in the midst of the situation (I’m not saying I agree with this, just that it might be an opinion your parents have, given my experiences). I don’t advise lying about the current situation, though, if you do tell them.
In the meantime, be there for your significant other in any way that you can. Listen to them, cry with them, and do whatever you can. I would personally call a family member about the ex-girlfriend (as opposed to doing nothing, or talking to her myself), but again, that is entirely your choice.
I wish I could offer you some more decisive advice, but not knowing the entire situation, I don’t feel comfortable offering more than that. If you’d like more detailed advice, please ask and we can answer privately if you’d like. You, your significant other and your families are in my thoughts.
Anonymous asked: Huhu admins I need your help, i just need some comforting and whatnot I hate the bestfriend list on snapchat I really do i just randomly checked my SO's bestfriend list and Im on the top but there's this girl at the second and Im freaking out it's just the two of us there, SO doesnt really send snaps much so... I even checked girl's name on facebook and I found her and idk if its her omg I just cant Im crying so bad right now help
I hope I can offer you some comfort. Before you totally break down, take another look at the situation. You said it yourself that your significant other doesn’t use Snapchat often: I’m not on Snapchat myself, but I googled it and see that Snapchat “best friends” are based on who you snap-chatted the most that particular week (explanation just in case I’m not the only one who doesn’t use it). So, right away, you know your significant other didn’t make a conscious choice to add this girl to his best friends list- she just happened to have received the second-most amount of snaps this week. Next week, she could be replaced with another snapchat user. It’s entirely possible that your significant other sends a lot of snaps to you, and one or two to other people, leading inevitably to one of those other people being placed on the best friend list. If this is the first time you’ve looked, you have no way of knowing if someone else was his second “best friend” last week.
Second thing to consider, you’ve searched for this girl, but you don’t really know who she is. I know you’re concerned about her being a potential romantic interest, but she could be a close friend or even a cousin that you haven’t heard of yet (this might sound a little naive but, really, I knew Scott’s second cousin for quite a few years through a relative of mine without ever knowing he was his second cousin). The best thing you can do is approach your significant other calmly and say “Hey, who is [insert first name here]?” Don’t be accusative (i.e. “Are you interested in [first name here]?” or “Are you cheating on me with [first name here]?”). There is nothing wrong with asking who someone is, in my opinion, in any relationship and especially in a long-distance relationship, when it is often hard to get to know family and friends. Wait for your significant other’s reaction. If he offers a believable, quick explanation such as “Oh, we worked on a project together for class and we have some of the same music tastes, so we swap songs now and again” or “She’s my cousin’s girlfriend, we went to the same high school,” I would personally drop it until something else suspicious presented itself. Most times, you’ll be able to tell an honest explanation from a dishonest one. Trust your gut, but don’t give into your jealousy.
Now, if you feel your significant other is being dishonest, then you should urge them to dwell on the topic longer. Quite often, even when we haven’t done something too terribly wrong, we try to hide it from those we care about most. Scott and I haven’t been without our problems, and in the past, when I suspected there was more to the story, I would sit back and say “Okay, I believe that might be some of it, but is there anything else?” At one point, when we were back in high school, there was a girl that I was concerned he was interested in because I knew she liked him (that was most of it) and I knew he found her attractive (of course, I should have considered the fact that no matter what, there are going to be people in the world you find attractive). I confronted him about it, and he said there was nothing going on. I didn’t believe him, so I said exactly what I told you to say. Scott was quiet for a second, and then he replied “I’m sorry, I was expecting you to be angrier. She sent me some flirty text messages, and I told her I wasn’t interested, because I was in a relationship.” And, okay, this sent me into a tizzy for a minute because of the way he said it (“So if you weren’t in a relationship, you WOULD want to be with her?”, like it was unheard of for someone who was hypothetically not in a relationship to consider someone else…yeah, no), I was relieved to hear the truth, and even more relieved to know that the truth wasn’t as bad as I feared. Bottom line, it often isn’t.
And, you know what? Even if the worst outcome is the outcome, you deserve a relationship where you are not made aware of a third party through social media. You deserve a relationship where you are cherished, paid attention to and held in their heart above all others. It can be a rocky road to get there, even for people with the best intentions, but when you find the right person, you will get there. Your current significant other could very well be that right person, and this just a situation with a simple answer. Either way, you’ll never know until you ask and, whatever the answer, this community is here for you. Let us know if you have any other questions
Anonymous asked: Have any of you ever been in a LDR for a number of years, and broke up with the person and saw someone else, but still wished deep down that things would have worked with the LDS/o? :/ Stuck in a weird situation right now and idk what my heart or head is telling me.
I can’t personally say that I have been in a long-distance relationship similar to that, but I do know the odd feeling of seeing an ex partner with someone else. I think that often, it isn’t so much that you want to be with them again, as it is hard to get over the figurative distance that has developed between yourself and someone who you were close to, or intimate with.
It sounds like you’re on the fence about approaching your ex-partner to let him know that you still have feelings for him (if that is incorrect, please let me know). If that is the case, the most important thing to do is to respect their current relationship. I know that closure can often come by stating our feelings, but these statements cannot carry an explanation. Let your ex-partner know that you wish you could have worked things out, but that your respect his current relationship. I know that in the movies, a character will often break up an ex-partner’s new relationship but, in reality, if you were to do this with your ex, I can’t tell you for sure, but it would likely end with them feeling angry and disrespected.
If it’s truly a relationship you want with your ex, state to them that you wish the two of you would have worked, be respectful of their current relationship (because in turn, this shows your maturity), and wait. However, once you let your feelings loose, you might just find that it was only closure that you needed, and find the strength to move on.
Anonymous asked: i've been dating my LDR boyfriend for 1 month and we have yet to skype..how do i prevent the video chat from being awkward?
Video chatting for the first time is always a bit awkward, but just be yourselves and everything will come together! The butterflies of seeing each other talk for the first time will make the awkwardness totally worth it!
frankieisthename asked: My boyfriend of five months is moving away to grad school next week. Grad school is in Cali and I am in Chicago. To say the least, I am heartbroken. I love him so much. We talk about moving in together once I'm done with college in a little over a year, but it seems so far away and we haven't been dating that long. This is the man I want to marry. I think we can make it work, I'm just really sad and don't know where to turn.
Pretty please only click submit once because we got this 4 times.
You both can make this work if you truly want to and fight for the relationship. One year of long distance may seem like a long time, but I promise you that it will fly by. Visit each other during school breaks, send each other love letters just because, have skype dates where you watch movies together and have dinner, help each other with your homework, send each other care packages…do whatever it takes and you’ll close the distance in no time. Good luck, sweetheart.
Thank you for putting this blog together. It’s great to see other’s stories and your helpful tips!
I’ve met this guy 9 years ago on some chat website and we have been keeping in touch ever since (like Penpals). We often emails, Skype, texts, sending gifts, flirting here and there but nothing serious. Both of us have been moving around (to other countries) and sort of moved on with our lives. He confessed his affection to me a couple years ago, but we didn’t get into a ”relationship” due to distance. Last month he said ‘I’m coming to see you and I hope I don’t lose you again.’ So there… He’ll be here in 3 weeks!… 9 years is a big chunk of time to know someone, but I think it will really start when we physically meet each other (getting to know each other all over again, like a first date) and decide from there. Now that we’ve grown up, and financially stabled, so that made it possible to fly across the world to see each other! (me: Canada, him: France - 5,321 miles). Feel free to comment, advice, or wish me luck ;)
"You know when you meet someone and you just know that you’re going to have something so special with them, hes the one i had that effect with. He came into my life unexpectedly just how they say good things come unexpected, we’ve been together for almost 5 months now and he has become the most meaningful person in my life, I’m in love with this man, he completes me in every way possible. I’m the happiest I can be with him, he is my other half, lover, homie and soul mate. I never want this relationship to end, he’s my future my heart and All i can do is patiently wait till the time comes where i’ll be able to feel his presence everyday, where i no longer have to yearn so much and feel that heavy feeling due to the fact he’s out of my reach. Till then i’ll be able to feel his touch and his warmth. Besides the words he comforts me with when i’m 1000s of miles away is what I’m living off of and the memories we currently hold. Until next time I can’t wait to make more memories with him. A love so strong, I just can’t ever let go. Thank god for even letting me meet my baby, I’m so thankful for everything, thank you for your blessings."
Anonymous asked: so, i was seeing this guy i met online and he lived a city away from me. We started out as friends but it grow into love. We started dating and everything was going great. Before we got into a relationship though i knew that he had depression before hand and it took him 6 months to get over it. It was caused by his ex that cheated on him for over a month with him knowing but he still didn't break up with her. He got depressed when he found all convos and he ended out relationship to work.. contd
on him self and he said he still wanted to be friends, but then it seemed like he didn’t know what he wanted and was breaking up with me everyday and hating on himself. and trying to push me away. then he started to stop talking to me and then becoming this asshole and he started to say really rude things to me and is now all together ignoring me i don’t know what to do.
Move on. Leave him and move the hell on. You deserve someone who puts the stars in the sky and the air in your lungs. You can’t fix people and it sounds like he’s using his depression as a crutch. You cannot save him unless he actually wants to be saved. I had to find that out the hard way and I don’t want you to have to. If he grows up and changes, maybe there is a future with the two of you. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll realize how he’s acting is wrong and apologize. You’ll get back together and be happy. If not, there is someone out there that will.
So I sent an ask, saying I was going to meet my LDR of 4 months, July 1. I went alone, he brought his sister to pick me up. My mother talked to his, so she was well open to the idea after, but every mother is different. Here’s how we met, where we live, etc.
- We met over XBOX (GTA 5 / BF4)
- He lives in Pennsylvania, I live in Michigan. (Funny fact, we were both born in Michigan!)
- We skyped, we called, text, yet he lost wifi.. we only call now (rough, really rough)
I went through Greyhound Bus Services (it was actually a good trip! If the stations are in big cities) I got there, and I was excited. I am 5 foot, he’s 5’11 (oh, the awkwardness). He was a gentlemen! He cooked for me, played games with me, made sure I was well takem care of. I don’t regret the time I stayed, which was 2 weeks exactly. I packed a lot!
- Lay out outfits, you wear it, bring it.
- ROLL YOUR CLOTHES (so many youtube videos)
- Bring a big suitcase (if you roll your clothes, you’ll see you have so much room!) and a small purse dufflebag (I had his mom’s plates, they were gifts, in the carry on)
- Make a list, pack it, go over it when you’re leaving and coming back (you won’t miss things)
It was a great experience, I would definitely tell LDR’s go meet your S/O! 😍 Also take a lot of photos, great gifts *hint* :) it’s also good to have memories. The ending was the hardest. I watched as he left, and turned so I’d stop crying. He told me he stopped at the doors and cried. Days before I left he cried, you have to find ways to bring comfort, people are different. I just hummed, and told him it’s okay.. I’m not good with that stuff. :( I needed big advice.
I’ve been in a LDR and it lasted for 2 1/2 months. He couldn’t stand that I was so far away from him and so he ended the relationship. We still talk but not as much anymore. I really do love him and he says he feels the same way too but he just doesn’t want to be together at least not like this. He’s been telling me that if only I was with him at that very second we’d be together. I want to meet him so so badly but I do t know how to talk to my parents about it. My mother knows about him and she really likes him too. I just need a way to let me convince my mum for letting me meet him not alone of course. any suggestions how I can talk to my mum about it ?
Anonymous asked: I mean wasn't Chyenne the one who insisted that poly relationships WERE cheating regardless of how the people IN the relationship felt and defined it as? that's pretty bitchy if you ask me......
Except I never said that so nice try. You clearly don’t know me at all. Proof A and proof B.
Anonymous asked: Dont listen to that person:) Your blog is amazing! What made you want to create this? Are you in a long distance relationship?:)
There are multiple admins on this blog and none of the current admins created it. It was a girl named Sam and she made it in July of 2011. I have been an admin the longest out of all of the current admins (December 2011) and I’m the most active simply because I don’t start college until January due to the fact that I took some time off. As for whether I am in an LDR, I am. My husband is stationed in South Carolina. I live in Texas. You can learn more about me and the other admins by reading out admin pages located here - http://longdistancestories.tumblr.com/profiles