Anonymous asked: Hey! :) so I've been in an ldr for about two years now and we'll "meet" shortly. Actually I'll move near him for about one year so we'll be really close. The thing is he stopped replying to any of my messages for about two weeks now, I don't know any of his friends or anything but he's online whenever I get to skype. I think it's super weird considering the fact that I'll move next week and he just dissappeared :/
You’ve moving next week, he is aware of this and he hasn’t sent you a message in regard to how you are doing, or to extend his help to you once you arrive in his city? To me, that is totally unacceptable, and it sounds to me that your significant other is not an adult at all, and extraordinarily disrespectful to you. You deserve so much more than this! I sincerely hope that this move was made for your best interests, because it sounds to me that your significant other is not so much concerned with what is best for you, as what is best for him, and you simply cannot have that in a mature relationship.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule (he’s in the hospital, etc…) but my suspicions overrule these, when you know nobody in his life to contact after two years, not even a friend. All of this indicates your significant other has deceived you in some manner. Have you seen him on Skype video chat? Do you have his Facebook or other social media. Please, as you proceed with your move, handle this situation with caution as I do believe it is a dangerous one.
Anonymous asked: Hey! I'm so happy this blog exists! it gives me hope. I've been in a ldr for a year now; he lives in MS (24yrs old) & I'm in NC (18yrs). He's done everything from sending me pizza to spending bajillion hours on Skype. I trust him fully & from what I've seen he seems like an honest person. We're starting to save up so he can come visit me for a week (I'm at a univ) but I don't know if I'm being foolish in trusting him. Also my parents flat out hate my online friends/dating so idk if this is okay
I’m glad this community is giving you hope!
You say you trust your significant other fully, but then you say you don’t know if you are foolish to do so. You haven’t mentioned any specific reason you have not to trust him, other than the fact you haven’t met in person. If you have any other concerns (not sure if he’s using his real name, is withholding other information) then please, put any visit on-hold and let us know, so we can lead you to a resolution.
I think, that given this week-long visit would be the first time the two of you see one another in person, some caution is very healthy. Would it help you if the two of you saved for him to stay at a hotel or nearby hostel (depending on your area), so there wasn’t the pressure of him staying with you for a week? I don’t personally recommend that significant others stay with one another during a first meet, especially without a backup plan. Your university might also offer guest rooms, if you live on-campus (mine did, for $29 a night). That’s definitely something to look into!
As far as your parents are concerned, I think it is wise to make them aware of the situation for your safety.
Anonymous asked: I'm so sad. I've been with my SO for a little over 2 years, and is started out as an LDR, but we've been together constantly for most of the time other than the first few months. But now I'm going home and it'll be a few months until I can see him and I'll be back in an emotionally manipulative home. I sound so whiny, but I feel really lost without my best friend, which is why I'm sad that it'll be an LDR again. :(
You don’t sound whiny, not at all. You sound sad, and aware that your current permanent living situation is not the best for your emotional or physical health. That awareness won’t drown you, it will save you. Take these few months to focus on yourself, and the positive influences in your life. Figure out what loose ends you need to tie up in the present, so that you can live independently, outside of your home, in the future. Once you are able to improve your living situation, your relationship can only improve.
In the meantime, long-distance will be difficult, and you know that. You also know it will definitely be worth it. It sounds like yourself and your significant other have a great relationship.This community will be here for you as you adapt once more to the distance. Good luck.
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I have only been dating a month but it is long distance. Our relationship was only in person for about 4 days. He's in basic training right now for the army so I can't really talk to him and it only seems to be getting harder. The next time I can see him is March 10th. He told me he would write me letters but he hasn't yet and I think it's because he's busy. But I could use some advice on how to keep going until March. Thanks :)
http://milsotherapy.tumblr.com/ is a milso support blog and they can help you better than we can because they are meant to specifically help military partners. Let them know we sent you!
Anonymous asked: Hey im in my LDR now for 7 months and it's honestly been the hardest thing, because lately its been really awkward with him. he just came back from air force training as well. i've been opening up more like with small talks on text and I just noticed he has been unresponsive. we phone call a lot and that ends up well, but I can't ALWAYS talk to him on the phone. is he tired of me? I feel so lame to him right now that I cant help but think that he's probably thinking of finding someone else.
Communication is key and you need to talk to him about how you’re feeling because we cannot tell you what’s going on in his head. From my experience as a military significant other, they’re busy and they have their mind on their job so phone calls are best. If you can’t take 5 or 10 minutes our of your day to be on the phone with him, you may have to deal with shortness. Tell him how you’re feeling though because he can easily just not know he’s talking a certain way. Military training, more or less, rewires their brains and sometimes they need to be redirected on how to be a partner.
asked: I start being in a long distance tomorrow. We just met about a month ago, but have fallen in love. He's planning on moving back after we both graduate high school. It's only a year, but I know it's going to be hard. Do you have any advice?
Communication is key. Trust each other until the other gives you real doubt. Try to have a weekly video chat date via skype/oovoo/ect. Talk on the phone whenever possible. Send each other letters and care packages - it’s always nice to be able to hold things your partner touched when you can’t hold them. Try to visit on breaks if at all possible. Do not make each other the complete center of each others lives. By that I mean still focus on school, clubs, activities, and what have you. Always make time for each other though even if it’s a text every day to let the other person know they’re on your mind saying something different.
asked: Hey there! Just wanted to say this is a pretty awesome blog. I have known my long distance boyfriend for about 6 years now (though only officially together for 2). He went into basic training for the US Airforce last week which is pretty blah since we usually talk every single day. Something that did come out of it though is that his mother added me on Facebook and is pretty nice, even offering to print out my letters for him and send it along, a god send as i am in Fiji. Happy posting :)
Ah basic training for the Air Force is where I live. That’s very sweet of her. When my (ex) husband was going through boot camp, letters are what kept us both going. I’m happy she’s doing that for you and I hope you can see him sooner rather than later!
asked: I just wanted to stop by and say I love your blog. I haven't been in a LDR for 3 years now but I still follow because I love the help you all give. I'm just glad you guys were here when I had mine. Thanks so much :)
We’re so happy you’ve stuck around. We truly appreciate it! Thank you so much.
Anonymous asked: (1) my ex and i met online a few months ago, we clicked instantly and became best friends and talked constantly. We then realized we had feelings for each other and starting dating. After about a 2 months he started to get depressed again because of his ex that cheated on him a year ago. He missed her, and decided that we should break up until he could figure everything out, but stay close. Yet after we broke up it felt like he was confused and still wanted to be in a relationship. He then..
started to start talking to me less, and telling me how he ruins all his relationship and still wanted me in his life then he told me he missed his ex and that he didn’t know what he wanted. We got into a huge fight about two months ago were he started swearing and saying really rude things and how he wants to be an ass because he doesn’t get as hurt being rude then when he’s nice. After that we hadn’t talked since. He unfollowed me on instragram three weeks after the fight and i deleted him off Facebook and everything else. But then recently i found out he blocked me on Facebook? I don’t understand what he wants or why he’s doing this since i haven’t spoken to him or bothered him since the fight so about 2 months, so why block me if i haven’t done anything? I don’t know the whole situation makes me feel like I’m not good enough and i don’t know what to do anymore. thats it :)
From my standpoint, it does seem logical that after yourself and your ex had each deleted one another off your various social media accounts, that he would go a step further and block you from his. To be honest, it confuses me that you’re not sure why he would block you off of Facebook when you were well-aware that the two of you had taken your disagreement to the internet. Essentially, I think the reason he blocked you is because you deleted him, and the two of you had previously deleted one another from your social media accounts. I’m assuming that to discover he had blocked you, you searched his name on Facebook, meaning that you don’t really want him out of your life. However, your ex could have assumed the opposite: After he unfollowed you on Instagram and you did the same on Facebook, he might have thought your relationship was over.
I don’t think the situation should make you feel badly about yourself. It’s completely normal for someone to have confusing feelings for their ex, as your ex did, when they become interested in someone else. Most often, it comes down to the unknown (they were comfortable with their ex, at least at one point, and they’re not sure how well their relationship with you will plan out), but no matter what, they shouldn’t bring those feelings into a new relationship: They’re something to be resolved beforehand, and it sounds like your ex was having difficulty with that. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do in that situation. It’s up to him.
When it comes down to it, your ex doesn’t seem to know what he wants, at least not yet, and you don’t deserve to be toggled around like that. I think the best thing is, honestly, for you to move on and disregard social media in the future as a way to settle disputes, or make a point (it’s just so confusing).
Hi guys, you may remember just over a year ago I left as an admin of this blog. I just wanted to give you all a quick update about Carlos and myself.
In May of 2013 Carlos transferred to a university close to me. He was living in residence, but we were finally close together. He lived out here for a year before having to move back with his parents for three months because he was supposed to go on vacation and this meant he couldn’t take summer classes. So we were back to an LDR for a few months. I flew out to see him at the end of July so I could meet his family and when I flew back home he was on the plane with me. It was a wonderful trip. (The photo above was from when we went to the Royal Tyrell Museum) We have now 100% closed the distance and are living together in a small apartment.
Things have never been better and I am so happy. If we could do it, anyone can!
If anyone has any questions as to how we did it feel free to send them to me at my personal blog, but I will not answer advice questions, as you guys have all the answers you need with the wonderful people that run this blog.
Good luck to all of you!
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I met online even though we lived in the same area. We were dating for two months when his parents found out he was gay and sent him away to be with family because they didn't want us together, and to "clear his head". he has been gone for 6 weeks now and as each week goes by I will hear from him less. I'll email, he won't reply. But I'll see him on snapchat and facebook drinking. Do you think he's ignoring me?
It is possible he has been forbidden any and all contact with you while being monitored by family. Why don’t you try messaging him on facebook and snapchat? If he doesn’t reply on either, sadly he might be ignoring you, but like I said before he might get in trouble if he does.
Anonymous asked: I spent from Oct '13-July '14 not knowing if my best friend, whom I met on a trip to his country in May '12, felt the same about me as I did about him. He was going to visit me in Feb '14 but couldn't get a visa so I flew out to him 3 wks ago. My 2nd day there we became a couple. Now I'm home, 6000mi away. I'm going to grad school for 4 yrs & he's saving up to go back to school too. How can I make this easier when we don't know when we'll see one another again? Between money and time, who knows?
Between money and time, it’s never convenient. Occasionally, certain situations will align, such when Scott and I graduated college at the same time, but even despite that, it is unlikely everything else will pan out without sacrifice.
Even though Scott and I both graduated in May of this year, there were many factors that could have kept our relationship long-distance. For instance, Scott had been offered jobs in several states; he was prepared to make the move, but I was not. Ultimately, he chose his job not just for himself, but for us, because we chose to get married. There were some who opposed our wedding because it was so soon after we closed the distance (and because we’re young), and that wasn’t easy to deal with by any means.
So, what does that all mean? Well, basically, that if the two of you don’t eventually slow down to visit one another or close the distance, life won’t do it for you. I’m not trying to imply that this is something that should be done immediately and, of course, there will be better times to do it than others, but it is something that will always require sacrifice. At this point, you can make it easier by making a plan for upcoming visits, or even a five-year plan for the two of you to follow.
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 good years. We are neighbours, so we see each other often. However, in a few months he will be moving to the other side of the globe to pursue his further studies. I am worried that our interest in each other will fade away if the distance between us increases. I fear that he will fall out of love with me. Now I do want to talk with him about all this but I don't know how to bring it all up without sounding 'needy' or 'clingy'. Please help.
Don’t let the fact that you’re neighbors convince you that distance will be impossible. Scott and I grew up five minutes away from one another, and we made it through four years of long-distance. Look at it this way: You’ve survived living practically on top of one another (a feat many couples figure out they are not compatible to do), so there’s a good chance you’ll be able to survive the opposite of that.
I don’t blame you for wanting to talk to your significant other about the big, upcoming change: It’s something you need to do. However, keep in mind that the two of you do have a few months before he moves so, at this point, speak not with urgency, but with calamity. If you fear you’re sounding “needy” or “clingy,” you might actually be making it sound like he’s leaving tomorrow, as opposed to later this year.
As important as it is to plan at this stage (plan how often visits will occur, who will travel and how the two of you will save for those adventures; plan how often the two of you will talk on the phone or skype; reaffirm expectations for morality in your relationship, etc…) it’s also important to cherish the time the two of you have right now, together. Some couples only have mere weeks when they learn they will be separated, or even less in more extreme cases. Take these months and fall in love all over again; you’ll be happy you spent the time before he left laughing more than you did crying, trust me.
This community is here for you as you prepare, begin, and continue your journey together in distance. Good luck!
Me and my boyfriend are both in high school and obviously they’re two different schools since we’re long distance lol but in the future I want to go to the same college as him . How do I tell my parents that without them thinking that I’m just some dumb girl following her boyfriend ?
You’re going to need to let the truth shine through on this one. Unless you had been considering your boyfriend’s college of choice previously, you are at least in some way wanting to attend because he is, also. Even if you had been considering the school previously, once you discovered your boyfriend was going there also, you no doubt grew more excited about your opportunity to attend the school for the opportunity to attend alongside him. This excitement will show on your face when you talk to your parents, so it is best, in my opinion, to own that excitement for what it is (what it should be): A factor for you in choosing the school, but not the ultimate reason for your decision. The next step is to show your parents that your boyfriend really is one factor of many. Do this by showing them programs to your interest that the school offers, and making plans to meet with guidance counselors without your boyfriend present. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, college is very much an independent venture, and a big financial investment, so make the choice for the right reasons. I knew couples at my university who only saw each other 2-3 times during the week, and we’re talking the same school here. I hardly know anyone who saw their boyfriend every day, unless they lived together in an apartment. No matter what, college is a lot of work, and it’s important you’re at a place where you do work you enjoy or the likelihood you will succeed is lessened greatly. -Kylee