My bf and I met in high school and we were together for a year, then I moved for college about 2 hours away by car and he stayed home finishing high school and we’ve been long distance for a little less than a year now. The problem is that he got a full ride to a great school out of state about 20 hours by car. He’s had some difficulties with long distance because we can’t interact the same way we can short distance and it can be difficult for us to find time for each other. To make matters worse, he is now moving super far away and next semester I will be starting my design classes as a Landscape Architect and I will literally not have time to sleep much less be in a relationship. It follows then that today he told me that he thinks at the end of the summer we should break up as to not hinder each other in college considering he will be so far away and making time for each other will be even more difficult. I got really annoyed at him and I told him that I didn’t like him putting a time bomb on our relationship and to just let things run their course. I really love this guy, our families love us together too. There’s things like my sister’s wedding coming up that we were going to do together but I’m not really sure what to do with myself with what he’s told me? I’ve also been having a really difficult time finding myself at the college I’m at and I’ve been considering transferring…probably to a college next to him and he thinks if he’s with me, I will transfer because of him and not myself. I just don’t want to lose my support system and someone who I consider my best friend. Ok, this is kind of long winded but I kind of needed to say something and maybe someone has some advice for me on what to do and whether or not you think it’s worth it to even try to stay long distance when I literally won’t even have time for myself.
Okay, let’s step back from this for a second. Let’s talk about you. You want to be a Landscape Architect (Fucking cool man!). You want to get a good education in that field. You don’t feel very comfortable at the school you’re in, and are considering transferring.
Think about your career right now. Think about your future. Will it be better for you to pursue a career in your field if you stay at the college you’re at, or transfer? I know it’s hard, but try not to factor your boyfriend into it. He can be very right, moving closer to him can be subconsciously effecting your decision. So, take him out of the equation for a second. Figure that out first.
To be in a long-term, healthy, successful relationship, you need to put yourself first sometimes. You need to contemplate your futures, and figure out whats best for you in the long run. Because whats best for you will make you a better person, and as a better person you can have a healthier relationship.
So, if taking a little break from your relationship as you get your life in order is something that needs to happen, don’t be ashamed of that.
If moving to a college closer to your boyfriend is something that will help your career, be honest and make sure you’re not deluding yourself to be closer to him.
There’s this social networking site called Tagged (it’s beyond stupid but for some reason I kept my account for years haha), and on it there’s this thing called Meet Me, where you choose a country, gender and age group, and look at the profiles of people who fit the criteria you chose. If you like how the person looks, you can click the yes or no button underneath their picture. If yes, a notification gets sent to the person, and underneath your picture it says ‘match’ or ‘no’. I was bored quite a lot, and did this often. If the guy responded positively, I would send him a message. I can’t remember if it was Julius or I who clicked on the other’s picture, but we started messaging each other July 2012. I was really excited by the fact that he came from Finland, because my favorite band comes from there (I live in the US), and he was surprised (in a good way) that I even knew where Finland and Helsinki were (my intelligence was insulted but I let it pass :P), and even more surprised to know that I listened to Finnish bands. We exchanged Skypes after about a week, and talked on there occasionally. I quickly found out that he was Swedish Finn, was going to start his first year at university as a business law student, could speak 5 languages, was bullied in elementary, worked as a tour guide, thought that I was in the higher tier of American girls that he’s met, and thought my mix (blood: Vietnamese American, with a hint of Czech, nationality: French American) is very hot :P
For some reason, I didn’t like talking to him, and pretty much managed not to talk to him for a decent amount amount of time from September-December. During those months, I hooked up a couple of times with this one guy, who wanted to go farther than I was comfortable with. I decided that I would tell him I had a boyfriend, and would ask my friend to fake ask me over Facebook (though I wasn’t sure if he would go for it) so I could show the guy that I wasn’t lying. In December (the day before Christmas actually), Julius and I started a conversation, and he asked how I was. I told him about the guy, and about my plans and the doubts I had, and he said that he would gladly help. So instead of my other friend asking me to be his girlfriend, Julius did it. And we flirted the night away, I was just… AHHHH :D I wondered why I didn’t speak to him for so long. It also surprised me that he seemed so willing to help me out even though we didn’t speak for so long.
Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he didn’t “feel” anything when he said “I love you.” I explained that you need to say “I love you” in response to feeling something, not say I love you TO feel something. Words won’t bring you feeling, but feelings bring words. Does that make sense? I’ve dealt with him loosing his feelings for me before, but he always begs me to come back. We’ve been together over a year, half of that was a long distance relationship. We had spent a significant amount of time together in the summer and in August we decided I would move half way across the US to attend my next semester of college in his state. Things were going well. We had some issues, but nothing that sticks out. I went home for Christmas and shit hit the fan. He told me he was no longer attracted to me and couldn’t explain why he actually loved me. He wasn’t sure about it anymore. I was on the verge of staying at home and not flying back to him. He begged me to come back, we worked on things, and I thought we were better. We became more intimate with each other than before, it felt like more of a relationship.
But then yesterday, when he told me he didn’t feel anything when he said I love you, he also told me he wants me to be with someone who will love me as much as I love them. He said he still deeply cares for me, but he doesn’t know what to do considering his lack of feelings. But he did say he feels like I’m one of his best friends. So I told him to give me a place to stay or find someone who will take me to the airport. I wasn’t going to stay in a state with someone I sacrificed a lot for when they can’t even feel for me. I have loved ones in my home state. I also said would never be able to forgive him. Not to make him feel guilty, but because it’s true. We could never be friends. I have too many feelings for him to be friends, it would feel like a slap in the face. And that made him cry. He begged me to let him work on his emotions and to have me stay to work on things.
I love him like crazy. I’ve changed my life to be with him. And he can’t even give me any thing (emotion wise) in return. I feel like if I wait around for him, I’ll be waiting forever. But I’ve already made a life here. I just got a stable job. I’m attending school and getting excellent grades too. I don’t know if he just doesn’t know how to properly express himself past the infatuation stage of love (because he’s never been in love before) or if he really honestly feels nothing for me.
He’s right you know. You deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. You deserve to be with someone who knows what they have when they have you. Even though you have a stable life now, you’ll do more harm than good if you stay there, with him. I suggest getting out and going home as soon as your financially able to.
Before I start may I just say thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this :)
So basically me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 months, she lives in Montreal and I live in England, before I continue, I would like to clarify that I am moving to Montreal in 5 months.
She is Italian and I am English (Malaysian,Indian background but born in England) . She has had to hide our relationship from them because they are traditional and believe she can only date and italian boy. So she tells her parents she is meeting a friend for dinner, actually she meets me…however as i am walking her back to where is due to be picked up, her mother calls her and questions her, grilling and pressuring her, eventually finding out she is with me. I then meet her where i am polite and kind, however she ignores me, picks up her daughter and drives off.
She is now forcing her daughter to breakup with me and has threatened to even disown her in the future if she does stay with me. We have no plans or intentions to break up, we are best friends as well as a couple. But how can i deal with the mother? she refuses to speak to me, she literally refuses to even acknowledge me .
What can we do ? any advice is appreciated because i have literally lost sleep over this and feel broken.
Thank you again
I’ve never understood parents logic in “My child can only date who I want them to.” It just doesn’t make sense.
Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I would suggest being as polite and kind to her parents as possible. I think she needs to have a conversation with them, telling them she can’t choose who she falls in love with. If they still threaten to disown her… I honestly don’t know what to say.
Followers, please pitch your ideas and/or experience in. Anything is helpful.
I don’t think it’s natural to miss someone that you dated in such specific ways, no. Not when you’ve begun dating someone else and should be over whomever you last dated. It sounds like you began a relationship when you hadn’t recovered from your previous one, and still aren’t recovered, which isn’t at all fair on your current SO. It would be more understandable if the time between your breakup with your ex hadn’t been much, but you’ve been dating your current SO for six months. If you’ve been having these feelings for six months and missing your ex to that extent this whole time, it honestly doesn’t seem like you should be in a new relationship that you can’t put your whole heart into.
I suggest taking some time to reflect on why your last relationship ended. You’ve stated yourself that your ex treated you badly and didn’t care for you. Reinforce those things to yourself. Even if he might have been ok sometimes, even sweet, the fact is that he was a bad enough boyfriend that you’ve stated it out loud. It’s extremely unhealthy for you to still have feelings for someone that hurt you.
Send us pictures!!!
Does it feel right to you? If so, fuck ‘moving too fast’. Let me tell you a story about why ‘moving too fast’ isn’t always a bad thing.
My dad was pretty lonely when it came to love. He had this girl he’d been seeing for a while, but he never felt anything for her. He saw her for two years. He said to me, “I’m never going to remarry, my focus is on my kids.” He also said, “Sherry’s not my girlfriend. We’re just… dating. It’s nothing more than that.” She wanted it to be more, and it caused a lot of fights with him. But he didn’t feel the same.
His friend, Robert, convinced him to take a trip down to Rockport, TX (if any of y’all know where that is) and go to Oysterfest. (I was on my way to see Brett at this point.) He was having fun, just messing around, and then he saw this girl. He thought she was really pretty, and talked to his friend about it and Robert said, ‘Go for it.’
So, my Dad gathered up his courage and asked her to dance. And they danced, and danced… It felt right. They soon left the dance and got to talking. It was like an instant connection. Unfortunately, she was going up to Ohio to take care of some stuff for her late father, and my Dad had to go back up to Dallas. She told him if he wanted to get to know her more, meet her in Ohio.
And that’s what my dad did. He bought a spontaneous plane ticket to Ohio and spent a week with her. When he got back, I had already been back from seeing Brett. He told me he loved her. He hugged me, and cried, and said he’d never though he’d meet someone so special after my parents divorce.
I had my doubts, but he seemed happy. He was changing, he was goofier, he was funner, he was going out and doing things. He was happy! After a month, she came to visit. And that’s when I saw it. You could see it. Everyone could. They were soulmates. A little bit after that, she came to move in with us. My Dad purposed to her two months after meeting her. They got married in September, and they just had their ceremony March 9th.
They took things so fast, but my Dad is so happy. They’re truly in love. I’m glad they went for it, they took a HUGE risk. But, my Dad is with his soulmate, my new Step-Mother, and I’m so happy for him.
If you don’t jump, you’ll never know what waits for you at the bottom. If it feels right to you, then you GO FOR IT. Fuck what everyone else says, it just may be the best thing you’ve ever done.
Talk to him about it. Ask him whats going on with him. See if you can define what exactly you are. I think you just need to tell him how you’ve been feeling and find out how HE’S been feeling.
A little honest communication can go a long way.
Brett and I are making a ‘Closed Distance’ Q&A video. We’re gonna do it around mid-June. If you’d like to ask us anything, go to fuckdistancebro.tumblr.com!
We haven’t gotten… any questions yet. So go on over there! We’re wide open!! c:
I am back indeed!! Still going to be busy, but I’m back in the States until September, so I shall be around.
That’s so wonderful to hear!! Thank you for sharing with us. We love hearing when couples are able to meet up. Keep persevering!!