Anonymous asked: My girlfriend lives 4 states away. I flew there just over a month and a half ago to meet her (3 years of knowing her and a year and 8 months of dating). I went to her house and waited outside and she refused to see me, but im going back up in 2 weeks for my birthday and she still refuses to see me... any advice on how to try and convince her? i know shes not fake, we skype a lot, but its killing me that she wont see me, especially when shes been in my state multiple times and doesnt tell me..
I can see why you feel like this is “killing you.” You clearly care for your girlfriend a great deal, and because of this, you have been accepting of her refusing to see you, and the reasons for her to be doing so. if you could send in an ask detailing what she has told you these reasons are, it would be very helpful because I don’t want to over-assume anything in such a sensitive situation.
It sounds like that when you went to her house, the two of you were alone. If her reasoning for not seeing you has something to do with fear or anxiety, I would suggest that you ask her to have someone with her in her house, or even better bring someone with her to a coffee shop and meet her there.
Anonymous asked: Hi, i recently met my bf for the first time on May 31. We talked about having sex and what we were comfortable doing together before I went to see him. When I got there he said we didn't have to and i decided to wait until I was ready. the 5th day i was there we had sex. It's completely up to you if you have sex or not. It's your body and your decision so don't feel pressured to have sex and don't pressure your partner. Be of legal age and have protection. Remember, you can always say no
Thank you for sharing your story, and for reminding us all that it is ALWAYS okay to say no and if someone can’t respect that, they aren’t worth your time.
My LDR Love Story
This is my LDR story :-)
So i moved from new york to florida late last year for nursing school. Now when i did live in Ny i always had a crush on this guy who lived on the same street as me, we never really spoke, just the casual hey and that was it. I had him as as friend on instagram and still never had the courage to approach him. So the beggining of this year he was liking my pictures on instagram so i finally wrote to him under one of pictures and he playfully replied, after that i left my number under one of his pictures and within 5 minutes i got a text from. We began texting here and there but nothing to serious, until one night we decided to facetime! i was so nervous but he made me laugh the whole time and we were just saying why didnt we ever hang out when i actually lived there. He began telling me how he always wanted to talk to me but never thought i was interested in him, we both just laughed thinking here we are both attracted to eachother and not one of us attempted to make a move. Now though i live in florida my father and my brother still lives on that street, so once we started really talking to eachother and making it a habit, i decided i would go visit him first, since i had family and friends there it would be more convienent. Now here’s where it got weird, my brother and him were like bestfriends and he wanted to tell him about us but i told him not, so when i went to Ny we sort of sneaked around my brother’s back :-( . I just didnt want nobody judging him and I until i knew that what we had was official, especially since he is 7 years older than me. So when we met we were both so nervous but after that feeling went away everything after that was so magical, we really connected and the chemisty between us was awesome! So i went back to florida and thats when my brother end up finding out from somebody else before we could tell him, my brother no longer talks to him and that made me question if i should really be with him because i ruined their friendship. But he told me that he didnt care what people thought and that even though i live in florida there nobody else he’d rather be with. So i went back out there again and this time was even better than before, i knew that i loved him but i didnt want to say it and he didnt feel the same. So i waited but he beat me to it, he told he loved and that he wanted it to be official, my heart never felt more happy i couldnt believe that this guy who lived on my street could actually be the one that i now love. Leaving is always hard but we try to fill that void of distance by Facetiming every day and of course texts and calls. My birthday recently passed and he sent my gift with one of my friends and it was a RING, it wasnt a proposal, of course thats way too soon but it was the most gorgeous princess cut heart shaped ring to show that im taken and that he loves me and yes i wear it everyday lol …Im going to see him again in about 15 more days and i really cant wait! I am in love with this boy and it feels great even though it does get hard being away from him. But once i finish school i’m moving back to Ny to be with him, and yes we arugue what relationship does’nt have arguments, its hard to trust in long distance relationships, and my trust for him is always questionable but i have faith in us so i try not doubting him alot. There’s nobody i rather be with no matter how far he lives, he has my heart!
Anonymous asked: do you think it's a good idea to have sex the first time i meet my s/o?by the time we meet, we've been together for 2 years. our long distance relationship has been amazing, perfect than anything i would imagine it to be. what are your thoughts?
As long as the two of you are legal, consenting adults, the choice of when make the move to intimacy in your relationship is entirely up to yourself and your partner. My advice is to talk over the possibility of intimacy with your partner, but don’t create any expectations. Whenever you choose to become intimate for the first time, you don’t want there to be any pressure or anything related.
I’m not sure if I would feel comfortable having sex with someone the first time that I met them in person. It would all depend on the situation, so I can’t give you a concrete answer either way. However, I know that many people have, and have had wonderful experience. I’d say even if you go into the visit not planning to become intimate, be sure to talk it over with your partner and have protection on hand.
If any of our followers have any input on this, please share!
Anonymous asked: So my boyfriend and I met almost a year ago and I am finally getting to meet him today. Im really nervous but really excited. Do you have any advice for calming my nerves? Cause I am so fluttery !
I was in a different situation than you (Scott and I were not long-distance when we began dating), but on the day of a visit, if I was not the one traveling, I would do my best to have my normal schedule (lunch with roommates, call my mom, go to class, etc…) up until the time he arrived. If I was traveling, I made sure to keep all of my tickets/other documents in a safe, secure place, and treated myself to too-expensive airport food AND a fancy coffee. I found that if I was eating, I wasn’t so fluttery, but it is harder when you’re the one traveling, in just my opinion. Treating yourself helps give you something to do, and also reminds you at the same time that hey, this is a good day!
Good luck, tell us how it goes!
Anonymous asked: I've been with my SO for a long time now, we'll meet very shortly. He is nine years older than me and therefore he is scared his family won't approve our relationship and doesn't want anyone to know about us. I think he should tell someone about us, right? Considering the fact that we'll meet very shortly, but he doesn't want to
Are you underage? If you are, it’s perfectly understandable why he doesn’t want anyone to know. I wouldn’t risk jail for anyone. If you’re not, I don’t understand at all because in that case keeping you a secret means you’re not important enough to stand up to whoever judges the relationship.
August 15 - September 5
Just a heads up, lovelies. I will be visiting my hometown that I haven’t been back to since I moved 4 years ago so I will not be active in the slightest during those three weeks.
Anonymous asked: I really love my ldb and I'm sure he loves me as much as I do but recently my friends are telling me he is treating me bad, not behaving well with me and I think so as well. I tried to talk about this with him and he said he was sorry and that he really doesn't notice. What shall I do? Can this later on turn into an abusive relationship?
For you to even consider abuse is an issue, I can tell you something is wrong. At this point, you need to give your partner an ultimatum. Either he shapes up his act toward you (and toward your friends, too, it sounds like…he doesn’t need to like and have a stellar relationship with everyone of them, but he sure should respect them!), or you’re going to hit the road to find someone who does.
Anonymous asked: I've met my long distance boyfriend through an online game and at first I didn't take him seriously but we fell in love and we've been together for 6 months, we've seen each other a couple of times now, my family approves of him which is why he's coming to visit them this september. So he works and I'm currently on vacation so we text throughout the day and talk on skype at night but recently it's like we have nothing to talk about anymore and it's hurting us bad, what can we do? :(
Yay for visits! (:
Okay for the no talking thing, there can’t be much to talk about if you guys are always talking, y’know? Me and Walter talked allll the time and talked all day and just left Skype on. But we also got into a lot of fights too. And over stupid things, honestly. And although it was little things, it hurt us bad too. And it will continue unless you both give each other space and do your own thing. It is easier said than done at first but trust me, you’ll have loads more to talk about and you’ll be in good moods because you’ll be happy to finally speak with them and have a chance to hear how their day went too!
Now I’m not saying never talk to them or just an hour a day. Text every once in while. If he’s at work, send him a couple of texts but not a whole story. Talking on skype at night is good though (: Just try to not be on your phone the whole day too. Hang out with friends, hang out with fam, have some me time and read books or watch that show or go out. Just don’t be waiting around for a call because that can make it worse too.
You can always message me for more tips and advice on my personal if you need anymore help.
Best of luck dear! <3
Anonymous asked: Hey :) I have been with my SO for two years now, and we will meet very shortly. The deal is he stopped replying to my emails and Skype messages over a week ago. Even my friends tried to reach him but he won't reply. The last time we talked he said he'd have more time for us but he is just ignoring me since. There were no signs of any problems so idk what to do:( maybe he got tired?
Or maybe something happened that has nothing to do with you. Give it a couple more weeks and see of something changes. You said your friends have tried contacting him, but have you tried contacting his friends to see if they know what’s going on?
Anonymous asked: I've been in a relationship with my s/o for well over a year, and my parents still don't know about it. They don't know about him, though a few other members of my family do, and they are very supportive of my relationship. I don't know how to tell my parents, because I just feel like when the truth comes out, there's going to be nothing but negative energy about it. We're both almost 18, so I'm wondering if I should just wait until we're of age before telling my whole family, parents included?
Honestly, I can see the most negative energy coming to your relatives from your parents, for hiding your relationship from them (I know that’s something that would cause a huge dust-up in my family). You might have to sort of be the referee in such a situation: It will be up to you to own the relationship as yours, no matter the age you let others know, and not as something to be fought over between relatives. You could wait until you’re of age, but unless you’re going to begin financially supporting yourself at that time, it might not matter to your parents that you’re a legal adult or not. In that case, I’d say wait for the right time, but don’t wait too long: The longer you wait, the longer the tension will build, and there’s only so long it can build before it explodes, and not on your terms.
Anonymous asked: I guess I'm in love with someone who lives thousand miles away from me that seeing other guys is always not working out. Recently he's been honest to me about how he feels and he'd mention that he's a fool for this bcs nothing might happen but he feels that it's strange that we are so far away but yet so close. Theres nothing else that I would want rather than telling him how I feel but I'm scared of the future & I don't want to ruin this. What if it gets hard, and other people come around :(
That’s something you need to consider in any relationship: Any relationship can get hard, and any relationship can see other, potential significant others come around. I know this has been true for Scott and I. Essentially, it sounds like you’re weighing whether or not you are able to be committed, and you’re right to be taking the time to think about it before jumping in, because it’s a huge deal. The best advice I can give you is to sit down and have an honest conversation with this guy about how committed the two of you are honestly willing to be, before you get in any deeper with him. It’s rough, but it’s much better to have that talk sooner rather than later. Trust me.
Anonymous asked: Hey there. I'm in a LDR, I'm in the US and my boyfriend is in Australia. We communicate through iMessaging and FaceTime. We haven't facetimed in two months on the 31st. I always ask him to make time to FaceTime me, and he says he will try, yet we haven't facetimed. When I bring it up, he says that he's trying. I just feel like he isn't really trying that hard. If it were reversed, I would drop everything to be able to FaceTime him. Ugh. Any advice?
I see your annoyance: Two months is a long time in your situation, from what I can tell. Try sending him some picture messages (I would send non-sexual ones) to try to get him excited about seeing you on video later. You could also try a short voice call (short so you don’t run up the bill), so you can get more of an idea of his tone, and why he hasn’t face-timed. I hope this helps! -Kylee
Anonymous asked: My parents really dislike my ldr partner because he isn't white. It sounds ridiculous but it's true. I'm not sure how we're going to be able to meet up in the future and I'm worried my parents will stop supporting me as soon as we can be open about our relationship. What can I do about this?
From what I’m seeing, your parents know of your partner and have disapproved from the start because of his race, but they do not know that the two of you are a romantic item. You’re fearing that once they know that you are, in fact, in a relationship with him, they will stop supporting you financially and otherwise.
It might look like your parents have the power but honestly, it’s all in your hands. If you are a legal adult, and it sounds like you are, you can begin to take the steps in order to support yourself: I don’t know your situation, but if you’re not in school you can try to find work full-time. If you are in school, you can find work part-time (unless you’re in an intensive program that prevents this, like one of my friends), and change your status at financial aid office from a dependent, to someone who will claim themselves at the end of the next tax year. That’s what I would suggest for someone who lives in the states. It’s hard, but Scott and I are currently supporting ourselves, and I have friends who have supported themselves since they were out of high school for various reasons, and gone to school at the same time. Essentially, it’s possible. Once you are capable of supporting yourself, a weight will be lifted off of you and you will shine as you continue to make decisions that benefit your life without worry that the rug will be ripped out underneath you. I suggest that you make a plan with your partner in order to figure out how soon you can be independent from your parents, and go from there.
Your parents might not never move from their stance, but you can take the steps to begin moving forward now.
I will say, though, there is something very confident and mature about a young adult who is able to take the reigns of their own life. I have seen many parents who were unsupportive of their child’s decision accept it after a period of time. At that point, you would have the power to let them into your life.
The biggest example I can think to give you from my own life is that recently, Scott and I’s relatives have been very vocal about the two of us starting a family. A baby is a big part of our five year plan, but some say that’s too soon, we should wait a full five years or they’ll be disappointed. However, Scott and I made the commitment to follow our own hearts on the matter, and we’ve felt better ever since. Do what is within your means, and can make you happy. I wish you and your partner the best.
Anonymous asked: I had a feeling my ldr gf was talking to other guys. Not proud of it but I catfished her to find out and she swapped nudes. She says this is the only time she's done it and she only did it because she felt bad about herself but how can I trust her now? I love her and really want to believe her but it was hard before, now with this I just can't see how it can work. I'm devastated! I want to forgive and move on but I feel the trust has just gone.
You’re on the verge of deciding between two conflicting positions, and it sounds like you know that. If you forgive, you have to make a commitment with your partner to rebuild trust, and if you feel as though the trust is completely gone, there is no way to forgive and you would have to, then, move on from the relationship.
I’m a realist: if the trust is gone for you, it’s gone and if you’ve committed to that realization there’s not much else I can say, other than I think that loss of trust is valid reason to end a relationship, because it’s not fair to either of you.
On the other hand, if things feel a little bit more gray for you than that, and you’re having a hard time thinking about what to do, consider how your girlfriend is handling this. Has she been understanding of your need to discuss what has happened? Has she accepted, and owned up to the fact that she has done something that violated the standards the two of you have set forth in your relationship? Has she helped with any sort of process to figure out how to move the relationship forward from here? Consider this as you try to pull more toward one choice or another.
Of course, I feel compelled to say that, in any rough situation, yelling gets you nowhere. It’s critical for the two of you to have a mature conversation about what has happened in order for you to have closure either way (closure of the relationship, or closure to move on from the situation in the relationship). It will be painful, but it will be worth it, no matter what you decide.